Loosies (2015​-​2017)

by Zack de la Rouda

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released February 23, 2017

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Zack de la Rouda Portland, Maine

i write songs and rap about weird stuff like love self-actualization civilization depression anarchism and taoism i like to eat from the garbage even though it's kinda hard to find organic stuff there i spend a lot of time alone somehow i am still releasing music ... more

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Track Name: One Trick Pony (2017)
look, i been working hard so long,
i forgotten why i started writing songs in the first place
back when i still played guitar,
that was art for myself, but that stopped when i heard wayne
i thought, it really is a damn shame -
we ravage the planet, they rap about cocaine
but it makes perfect sense to me,
because those drugs get us free mentally, while we're in this cage
so i picked up the mic to sing rewild or die,
but it come off like senseless rage
like i'm pissed off perpetually,
i push my writtens so hard that the pencil breaks
i need space, try to meditate, get my head straight,
then it's back to the pen like i caught a case
and when i'm out on the empty stage,
i get afraid, like i never think anybody's listening
we wanted freedom - we got a wage
it don't matter what they pay us, we're all enslaved
i love life, but it’s often painful,
i’m feeling lame, heart broke in the worst shape
like i'm cursed with the mark of cain
cause when i let these people see my face they walk away
and everybody else saying that he gone insane
like, is zack still at it? that's a goddamn awful shame
thought he was going places
my, how things change
he was so bright, now he seems so gray
he going on how society is unsustainable,
all along he remain the same
i’m raying lord, will you come and save me, please?
what i preach about and what i sing about is sounding crazy
all i can see is the storm and the pouring rain
all they see is talent gone down the gutter drain
fuckin' a
i'll be damned if i'm not ashamed
i’m not saying it's not bad but it's all ok, trust,
i'm just going at my own pace, plus,
i always knew my path would be complicated
it's all a struggle, aint it? that's why we stuck with strain
just have a look at what we lost when we sought to gain
all i wanna do is offer change
and foster faith in the planet while y'all run away

so would you run away?
i’m afraid what you’re gonna say
but i can't pitch another game
one trick pony from the stable to the fucking stage
i just want to run away from it
i can't say what i feel cause i fear what they think
i stand tight-lipped til i got a mic and spit
one trick pony from the cradle to the fucking grave

i been making songs so long,
i forgotten what it's like to be quiet for a evening
it's been a long while since i held my tongue,
i'm trying to be comfortable with silence like a peaceful chief
i’m high, then i feel god-like, i fear desire,
so i speak like the people's priest on it
but nope, i am no better, satan got me fiending for the cheddar,
my debit on negative balance
like my mind’s eye’s teasing me,
cause I'll be pious till the need for an evil deed seizes me
i see the game as everything else seems to be:
just a distraction from what is really happening
and i'm on the sidelines of it, clapping starter-shot cap guns,
pop, tryna reckon with the referees
i’m making points they cannot refute,
but they gon choose who they want,
i cheer for defeated teams worldwide
i'm sure i was sent to earth from heaven
with a mission to reverse blindness
in my peer group, so lend an ear to this
half-baked cockeyed optimist on stage
i'm here to help you see clearer like a mirror,
aware of the facts,
i could give 'em to you nightly like a news crew
calm as a killer
obviously more relevant than any rapper that you're used to
but most slept on
like the staircase i could take you there, but i just get stepped on
what i spit it, they gon get it, then i’m gon regret it
cause i made the audience so sad with depressing songs
but who else really talking about the biggest picture?
we dont know how to save the world, well it’s not a mystery
i’m on a mission to tell anybody listening:……….!!!!
fuck it i forgot again
Track Name: Blue (2017)
vibe water- or sky- colored
my mind’s muddled
aura: huckleberry-pie stuffing
i’m Sully
but my heart and soul colder than the month of February
lapis-colored glasses what i have on always
yup it’s scary
getting lost when i walk, world dark as aquariums
caught by a lariat,
hot like a cherry
i’m calm as the opposite of ponds
boiling over like a cauldron
struggling often, life is fucking hard
fumbled what i carried like a football
everybody thought my shit together but i fooled yall
trouble like a pool hall,
gotta moved away like uber came
cause i constantly play games like a school yard
i’m too odd
i grew up
thinking that people were sheep
and had it confirmed with experience
look in the mirror you’ll see it
believe it
evil is our default behavior
to change it you gon have to work on it daily
honestly i think i’m failing
rarely am i carefree
reading from the tao freaking out like
i’m clearly barely clinging to reality
smiling wide and my eyes are dry
y’all gon surprised when i start crying right up out of the blue!
color is the one that is opposite of orange in the color wheel
my heart is tough to feel
sit up at the bar and adjust my beer
sipping blue moon
in my black blue jeans
blue’s what i feel
the truth hurts, proof stings like the hunger’s real
drink till i’m drunk, then i think things are coming clear
i look into a mirror and imagine
all my bad feelings gone pale in comparison to you
Track Name: Your Racist Friends (2016)
i see no changes
but it’s 2016 in the USA and the president’s racist
what we had to choose from, a tool of the global elite or the best of the worst of our neighbors?
make me so sick you could taste it
make my skin crawl and my lips curl just to say it
donald trump is abominable but maybe he could like encourage us to wake up
check with your friends, cause i got so many peers with the wicked behavior, yall it’s so basic
don’t hate folks who are different just cause you’re ignorant, gotta face it to erase it
lets be real with ourselves, i been a dick to like so many women
i’m ashamed, tryna change
fear and embellishment
watching the peso drop on the television
this is not good
yes this some nazi talk
they painting swastikas on the walls of the mosques!
how we gonna fix what’s broken?
talk to the sexist racists that voted for him

you better talk to your racist friends
that’s the only way to change
talk to your sexist, racist friends

my pops voted for him cause he wanna build a wall
i did not see the nazis going home
wake up in the morning and i ask myself in the mirror about a world gone very wrong
i know i have to help
but i’m exhausted
think dumb things trump’s a dumpling clinton is a croissant
tryna pick the very best angle from to kick the bucket
watching what the franc does
nothing left to trust in but us and we’re tuckered out
the rust belt is an ugly crown on the ground
this why it matters where your towns are,
look around,
city council put sleigh bells on a cow car
loud talk about mao turn to how they did they wrong in the last episode of game of thrones
the walking dead? stranger things?
that’s why i stay in my crib, i remain alone
or walking in the woods
wanna be connected to whatever’s really good
i’ll call it what it is the donkey of the day is the elephant in the room
you know what to do
Track Name: sweet/feels (2015)
look, i don’t know much about maps
but one thing:
if you wanted me to be where you are at,
i would come running
round the globe overnight.
it ain’t nothing
to give you mad love
cause:

i wanna be where you are at though
give you what you ask for
i don’t wanna pass on the opportunity
to listen to your laughter lift me to the rafters
you already are what i wanted you to be (x2)
(so sweet)

you’re so sweet with it, good grief
obviously i would be smitten, look at me
caught feelings like a cold, sip the tea, need to breathe,
drink it slow, tippy-toe, walk the lines, read between ‘em
got me high like the summit of a peak
you’re smart like reading
fly like the wings of an eagle
deep like underneath
eureka! i was lost at sea
you follow me?
im tryna go with the flow like the chesapeake
l am remembered by god
you are god’s favor
we can be atheist and still know our names’ meanings, get me?
let me say a secret: the keeper of the keep swept me off my feet
i guess it’s true the truth gon set you free
open up my eyes, oh my god my life is so incredible
i’m counting blessings twice for every loss
when i’m by your side, i pay no mind to any problems that i got
rest assured, they gon probably all be solved

where you at?
i could give you what you ask for
i don’t wanna pass on the opportunity
to listen to your laughter lift me to the rafters
you already are what i wanted you to be (x2)
(so sweet)

i don’t think that i need it but i really want it
you’re so sweet
think about you constantly
no comment if they wanna talk
i let ‘em wonder
i move forward like a process
let you hold me like hostage
think i got it something awful
but this don’t come around often like a comet
so i’m tryna watch it
i am cognizant of the clock ticking
this that type of love that make me squat-thrust and hop-skip
tryna calm the butterflies in my stomach cause they going nuts
.
.
.
.
you can’t catch feelings
unless you wanna act like a fool
don’t be silly
you gotta build a wall around your heart
i am serious
simple like a math problem
but we don’t get it yet
love makes you lovesick
can’t catch feelings (x2)

but i been feeling them bad though
damned if i figured out how
they just snuck up in my head like
i don’t even know her that well
still, i been down for the count
got my thoughts going wild when she not around
i’m on fire from the aura
fill the cup, hope it not spill
when we just be in the moment
but focused on nothing
i’m so hopped up,
high as the clouds that i’m seeing signs in, wow
it’s awesome if i’ll be honest
i’m so caught up with her
like i was behind when we were walking
and she often on my mind like a song
i could sing along
so many feelings
i been feeling lost
oh my god

unless you wanna act like a fool
don’t be silly
you gotta build a wall around your heart
i am serious
simple like a math problem
but we don’t get it yet
love makes you lovesick
can’t catch feelings
Track Name: The Trapeze Swinger (2017)
remember me happily, by the rose bush, laughing,
picking raspberries and blackberries,
weaving basketry beneath the basswood tree,
with a big old bowl of wildflower salad
looking way too good to actually eat…
remember me in the pasture, fast asleep
feeling like the alchemist,
a legend in my dreams,
or in the garden, planting seeds
on my hands and knees
or putting up a beanstalk fence
picture me dipped in the creek
or on the summit of the mountain
or even in the town looking like a townie
surrounded by a bunch of people
sitting by a fire
with a couple hundred thousand stars out,
now that’s something you should see

hope you think of me fondly,
i heard from someone you’re still pretty
if you want to, call me
i know you still live in the city,
hope you’re getting everything you want,
i never not wanted that for you,
i love you from afar
it’s hard to be apart from each other,
but we get stronger when we realize
that there’s nothing we can hold on to forever
we’re never separated at all, there’s only one thing
so we gon see each other again
one way or another, trust me

ain’t it lovely?
the lights all glittering
that’s why my eyeballs glistening
the pipe line’s trickling
before you know it, everything is gone
hold on tight to everything you got
what i want?
remember me and my crippling self-imposed misery
also, please, remember me blissfully,
living free, singing like a symphony,
everyone’s are a mix of each
it’s an enigmatic mystery
guess we gotta deal with the deck of cards that we got
never stop giving thanks cause a little means a lot
let the pieces fall into place in the puzzle
and before long you won’t recognize where you once was

(but i)
remember running toward you in a courtyard
you were such a sight for sore eyes
so we poured wine
of course we were caught up
with the cost of compromise
listening to m. ward’s “hold time”
my whole life flashed by in an instant
like i was about to die,
but time’s infinite
the spiral’s intricate and cyclical - mythical
try to follow it, it’s difficult - typical
remember me finally like sisyphus,
uphill clawing, pushing pebbles up a precipice
flying like pegasus
falling like icarus
floating in the ocean
looking quite ridiculous

you never know what’s coming
let’s be honest
even if you could
you could never stop it
im just tryna watch like the audience
even while i’m juggling prorities
each of us are tightrope walkers
everyday i try to write book like a novelist
i afraid of heights but i’m up here flying, falling
swinging like a trapeze artist
a trapeze artist