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Loosies (2015​-​2017)

by Zack de la Rouda

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1.
look, i been working hard so long, i forgotten why i started writing songs in the first place back when i still played guitar, that was art for myself, but that stopped when i heard wayne i thought, it really is a damn shame - we ravage the planet, they rap about cocaine but it makes perfect sense to me, because those drugs get us free mentally, while we're in this cage so i picked up the mic to sing rewild or die, but it come off like senseless rage like i'm pissed off perpetually, i push my writtens so hard that the pencil breaks i need space, try to meditate, get my head straight, then it's back to the pen like i caught a case and when i'm out on the empty stage, i get afraid, like i never think anybody's listening we wanted freedom - we got a wage it don't matter what they pay us, we're all enslaved i love life, but it’s often painful, i’m feeling lame, heart broke in the worst shape like i'm cursed with the mark of cain cause when i let these people see my face they walk away and everybody else saying that he gone insane like, is zack still at it? that's a goddamn awful shame thought he was going places my, how things change he was so bright, now he seems so gray he going on how society is unsustainable, all along he remain the same i’m raying lord, will you come and save me, please? what i preach about and what i sing about is sounding crazy all i can see is the storm and the pouring rain all they see is talent gone down the gutter drain fuckin' a i'll be damned if i'm not ashamed i’m not saying it's not bad but it's all ok, trust, i'm just going at my own pace, plus, i always knew my path would be complicated it's all a struggle, aint it? that's why we stuck with strain just have a look at what we lost when we sought to gain all i wanna do is offer change and foster faith in the planet while y'all run away so would you run away? i’m afraid what you’re gonna say but i can't pitch another game one trick pony from the stable to the fucking stage i just want to run away from it i can't say what i feel cause i fear what they think i stand tight-lipped til i got a mic and spit one trick pony from the cradle to the fucking grave i been making songs so long, i forgotten what it's like to be quiet for a evening it's been a long while since i held my tongue, i'm trying to be comfortable with silence like a peaceful chief i’m high, then i feel god-like, i fear desire, so i speak like the people's priest on it but nope, i am no better, satan got me fiending for the cheddar, my debit on negative balance like my mind’s eye’s teasing me, cause I'll be pious till the need for an evil deed seizes me i see the game as everything else seems to be: just a distraction from what is really happening and i'm on the sidelines of it, clapping starter-shot cap guns, pop, tryna reckon with the referees i’m making points they cannot refute, but they gon choose who they want, i cheer for defeated teams worldwide i'm sure i was sent to earth from heaven with a mission to reverse blindness in my peer group, so lend an ear to this half-baked cockeyed optimist on stage i'm here to help you see clearer like a mirror, aware of the facts, i could give 'em to you nightly like a news crew calm as a killer obviously more relevant than any rapper that you're used to but most slept on like the staircase i could take you there, but i just get stepped on what i spit it, they gon get it, then i’m gon regret it cause i made the audience so sad with depressing songs but who else really talking about the biggest picture? we dont know how to save the world, well it’s not a mystery i’m on a mission to tell anybody listening:……….!!!! fuck it i forgot again
2.
Blue (2017) 01:33
vibe water- or sky- colored my mind’s muddled aura: huckleberry-pie stuffing i’m Sully but my heart and soul colder than the month of February lapis-colored glasses what i have on always yup it’s scary getting lost when i walk, world dark as aquariums caught by a lariat, hot like a cherry i’m calm as the opposite of ponds boiling over like a cauldron struggling often, life is fucking hard fumbled what i carried like a football everybody thought my shit together but i fooled yall trouble like a pool hall, gotta moved away like uber came cause i constantly play games like a school yard i’m too odd i grew up thinking that people were sheep and had it confirmed with experience look in the mirror you’ll see it believe it evil is our default behavior to change it you gon have to work on it daily honestly i think i’m failing rarely am i carefree reading from the tao freaking out like i’m clearly barely clinging to reality smiling wide and my eyes are dry y’all gon surprised when i start crying right up out of the blue! color is the one that is opposite of orange in the color wheel my heart is tough to feel sit up at the bar and adjust my beer sipping blue moon in my black blue jeans blue’s what i feel the truth hurts, proof stings like the hunger’s real drink till i’m drunk, then i think things are coming clear i look into a mirror and imagine all my bad feelings gone pale in comparison to you
3.
i see no changes but it’s 2016 in the USA and the president’s racist what we had to choose from, a tool of the global elite or the best of the worst of our neighbors? make me so sick you could taste it make my skin crawl and my lips curl just to say it donald trump is abominable but maybe he could like encourage us to wake up check with your friends, cause i got so many peers with the wicked behavior, yall it’s so basic don’t hate folks who are different just cause you’re ignorant, gotta face it to erase it lets be real with ourselves, i been a dick to like so many women i’m ashamed, tryna change fear and embellishment watching the peso drop on the television this is not good yes this some nazi talk they painting swastikas on the walls of the mosques! how we gonna fix what’s broken? talk to the sexist racists that voted for him you better talk to your racist friends that’s the only way to change talk to your sexist, racist friends my pops voted for him cause he wanna build a wall i did not see the nazis going home wake up in the morning and i ask myself in the mirror about a world gone very wrong i know i have to help but i’m exhausted think dumb things trump’s a dumpling clinton is a croissant tryna pick the very best angle from to kick the bucket watching what the franc does nothing left to trust in but us and we’re tuckered out the rust belt is an ugly crown on the ground this why it matters where your towns are, look around, city council put sleigh bells on a cow car loud talk about mao turn to how they did they wrong in the last episode of game of thrones the walking dead? stranger things? that’s why i stay in my crib, i remain alone or walking in the woods wanna be connected to whatever’s really good i’ll call it what it is the donkey of the day is the elephant in the room you know what to do
4.
look, i don’t know much about maps but one thing: if you wanted me to be where you are at, i would come running round the globe overnight. it ain’t nothing to give you mad love cause: i wanna be where you are at though give you what you ask for i don’t wanna pass on the opportunity to listen to your laughter lift me to the rafters you already are what i wanted you to be (x2) (so sweet) you’re so sweet with it, good grief obviously i would be smitten, look at me caught feelings like a cold, sip the tea, need to breathe, drink it slow, tippy-toe, walk the lines, read between ‘em got me high like the summit of a peak you’re smart like reading fly like the wings of an eagle deep like underneath eureka! i was lost at sea you follow me? im tryna go with the flow like the chesapeake l am remembered by god you are god’s favor we can be atheist and still know our names’ meanings, get me? let me say a secret: the keeper of the keep swept me off my feet i guess it’s true the truth gon set you free open up my eyes, oh my god my life is so incredible i’m counting blessings twice for every loss when i’m by your side, i pay no mind to any problems that i got rest assured, they gon probably all be solved where you at? i could give you what you ask for i don’t wanna pass on the opportunity to listen to your laughter lift me to the rafters you already are what i wanted you to be (x2) (so sweet) i don’t think that i need it but i really want it you’re so sweet think about you constantly no comment if they wanna talk i let ‘em wonder i move forward like a process let you hold me like hostage think i got it something awful but this don’t come around often like a comet so i’m tryna watch it i am cognizant of the clock ticking this that type of love that make me squat-thrust and hop-skip tryna calm the butterflies in my stomach cause they going nuts . . . . you can’t catch feelings unless you wanna act like a fool don’t be silly you gotta build a wall around your heart i am serious simple like a math problem but we don’t get it yet love makes you lovesick can’t catch feelings (x2) but i been feeling them bad though damned if i figured out how they just snuck up in my head like i don’t even know her that well still, i been down for the count got my thoughts going wild when she not around i’m on fire from the aura fill the cup, hope it not spill when we just be in the moment but focused on nothing i’m so hopped up, high as the clouds that i’m seeing signs in, wow it’s awesome if i’ll be honest i’m so caught up with her like i was behind when we were walking and she often on my mind like a song i could sing along so many feelings i been feeling lost oh my god unless you wanna act like a fool don’t be silly you gotta build a wall around your heart i am serious simple like a math problem but we don’t get it yet love makes you lovesick can’t catch feelings
5.
remember me happily, by the rose bush, laughing, picking raspberries and blackberries, weaving basketry beneath the basswood tree, with a big old bowl of wildflower salad looking way too good to actually eat… remember me in the pasture, fast asleep feeling like the alchemist, a legend in my dreams, or in the garden, planting seeds on my hands and knees or putting up a beanstalk fence picture me dipped in the creek or on the summit of the mountain or even in the town looking like a townie surrounded by a bunch of people sitting by a fire with a couple hundred thousand stars out, now that’s something you should see hope you think of me fondly, i heard from someone you’re still pretty if you want to, call me i know you still live in the city, hope you’re getting everything you want, i never not wanted that for you, i love you from afar it’s hard to be apart from each other, but we get stronger when we realize that there’s nothing we can hold on to forever we’re never separated at all, there’s only one thing so we gon see each other again one way or another, trust me ain’t it lovely? the lights all glittering that’s why my eyeballs glistening the pipe line’s trickling before you know it, everything is gone hold on tight to everything you got what i want? remember me and my crippling self-imposed misery also, please, remember me blissfully, living free, singing like a symphony, everyone’s are a mix of each it’s an enigmatic mystery guess we gotta deal with the deck of cards that we got never stop giving thanks cause a little means a lot let the pieces fall into place in the puzzle and before long you won’t recognize where you once was (but i) remember running toward you in a courtyard you were such a sight for sore eyes so we poured wine of course we were caught up with the cost of compromise listening to m. ward’s “hold time” my whole life flashed by in an instant like i was about to die, but time’s infinite the spiral’s intricate and cyclical - mythical try to follow it, it’s difficult - typical remember me finally like sisyphus, uphill clawing, pushing pebbles up a precipice flying like pegasus falling like icarus floating in the ocean looking quite ridiculous you never know what’s coming let’s be honest even if you could you could never stop it im just tryna watch like the audience even while i’m juggling prorities each of us are tightrope walkers everyday i try to write book like a novelist i afraid of heights but i’m up here flying, falling swinging like a trapeze artist a trapeze artist
6.
Come Again? 02:19
i don’t know where i went wrong. i don’t know when i got lost, but i am. might have had a false start from the jump, racing rats and the crabs to the bottom of this bucket, well… so it goes, i understand: once you try to follow god, the devil is gonna force your hand aw hell, heaven help us. once a good thing gone, could it ever come again? come again, come again? i didn’t get what you just said. are you dumb, or am i deaf, or what? i thought i heard some words about putting in work first before you get to the reward of it of course thats common sense. acquiesce and accept that we all end up just as dead no matter what we did: artist or a businessman, you develop some wealth just to throw it in trash. “thank you, come again!” with prayer hands i’m been tryna reap from seeds sown in the spring threw caution to the wind focused like a fiend i can only see what i want, not what i need lost grip on the joystick been tryna plan a flight for a year but i cannot afford the trip it’s not like i hear voices but i’m fuckin nuts stuck in ruts most people avoided come again, next one - last shot opportunity passed by. it didn’t knock can’t be sitting there sad once you figure out the math if you want love gotta give it up focus on the future, the present moment is crucial the past could teach a lesson that you gotta be more prudent, a student of taoism which means that i doubt mystics see jesus spoke truth but look at devout christians throw the book at em! read the words how they written the thing you can’t explain contain all the wisdom so if you’re think you’re right, then you’re wrong about it the tighter that you try to tie the knot, it all unravels hypocrite for life. i’m a fuckin addict honor darkness and light, call god abraxas read demian.. read ishmael… read the tao te ching… read anything.. don’t watch tv, don’t eat food that you can’t spell easily, please stop sleeping
7.

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released February 23, 2017

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Zack de la Rouda Portland, Maine

i write songs and rap about weird stuff like love self-actualization civilization depression anarchism and taoism i like to eat from the garbage even though it's kinda hard to find organic stuff there i spend a lot of time alone somehow i am still releasing music ... more

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